Still Not Old

An assessment of both Vivians in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

No matter what season, The Fresh Prince is always good to watch. Ever since NickGAS turned into The N and Legends of the Hidden Temple couldn’t be played all day, The Fresh Prince is usually what my television lands on, considering that it is always on at least one station at any given time. Given the constancy in viewing the show for the bulk of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I like the old Vivian more than the new one. More importantly, I believe I enjoyed the show more in the old Vivian years than in the new Vivian ones. The latter point isn’t wholly the case because of the Vivian switch, given that I like both Vivians and the show in its entirety (with the exception of the episodes dealing with Ashley being a pop star). I enjoy the old Vivian episodes more because I think as a whole they’re funnier. However, In assessing the show and the Vivian split, it has made me think about what the change in Vivians did for the show.

A little history: Janet-Hubert Whitten was Vivian 1, and was so from 1990 to 1993. Because of creative differences, she left the show right when the character Nicky was born, and then Daphne Reed took over as Vivian 2 until the end of the series.  With the change in actresses came the shift in characteristics that “Vivian” possesses.  Vivian 1 is a professor of black history and literature, while Vivian 2 seems to stay at home.  This can possibly be explained by filling in the storyline with Vivian wanting to stay home with Nicky after being born and just never teaching again.  However, since there is no explanation (that I’m aware of), I take it that the switch in actresses and careers for the character is because the writers wanted to change the mother’s dynamic within the show.

Given my assumption is correct, was the shift for the best?

I think this is how it breaks down: Vivian 1 was certainly more academically minded.  She consistently made sure that Will had his head in the right place when thinking on issues that he was passionate about, but seeming mislead in formulating his beliefs on (ex. her critique on what Will finds important about the Civil Rights Movement and Malcom X in general).  Overall, Vivian 1 has more fruitful discourse with her children and additional characters concerning school and life decisions than Vivian 2 has.  Considering when Will is dating one of Vivian’s students, Kayla, she has a discussion with both of them respectively concerning what their relationship is doing to Kayla’s academic career.  In contrast, Vivian 2 does not have arguments with the characters.  Rather, she either chimes in after the fact or simply makes little quips while Phil is arguing or after he finishes.  An example of this is when Vivian 2 does not express her opinion of Will’s father when he comes back until Phil is about to tell Lou that he has made a huge mistake in coming back for Will then leaving without him.  Whereas Phil and Vivian initially governed the family on more equal footing, it is clear that the Banks household is merely a patriarchy when Vivian 2 is present.

Though Vivian 2 is less authoritative and seemingly less analytically minded, she puts more focus on the family than Vivian 1 does.  Considering the same episode involving Will’s father, though she does not assert her opinion of Lou until the end, she states that it is important for a boy to have his father in his life, tacitly implying that it is acceptable that Lou is back.  Furthermore, though discussion of her and Phil’s relationship tends to veer away from anything regarding protests and civil rights, more emphasis is placed on their love for one another and sustaining it (ex. the soul train episode where Phil confesses his love to her again).  Her advice is also beneficial to an aging Will as he prepares to get married to Lisa, when she tells him how to act as a husband.

Though I love Vivian 1 and every moment she took her earrings off in a fit of rage while Phil had to hold her back from fighting whomever was angering her, I’ve grown to appreciate Vivian 2’s contribution to the show.  The project now is to keep a count of how many episodes have Vivian 2 telling Phil that he can sleep on the couch.

-ryan

Looking back at the obscure ‘Tales from the Crypt’ spin-off, ‘Perversions of Science.’

With all the successful shows HBO has produced in recent years, it’s difficult to remember some of the network’s unsuccessful ones. Case in point: “Perversions of Science,” a 10-episode science-fiction anthology series that aired in the summer of 1997.

For fans of HBO’s “Tales from the Crypt,” the premiere of “Perversions of Science” was perhaps a blessing and a curse. On one hand, the spin-off promised all the ingredients that made “Tales from the Crypt” successful: sex, gore, dark humor, and star appearances. The caveat: The arrival of “Perversions of Science” marked the end of “Tales from the Crypt,” which stopped airing in 1996 after its seventh season.

“Perversions of Science” hardly attempted to stray from the “Tales from the Crypt” mold. Whereas the latter adapted stories from the EC Comics series “Tales from the Crypt,” “Haunt of Fear,” “Vault of Horror,” “Crime SuspenStories” and “Shock SuspenStories,” the former took its inspiration from the EC series “Weird Science.” The show’s most distinguishable characteristic was its host, Chrome, who introduced each episode and later finished it with a witty epilogue. Epitomizing the unrefined computer-generated imagery that was on the rise in the mid- and late 1990s, the digital Chrome taunted viewers with her voluptuous android body and sexual innuendos. Consider, for example, Chrome’s introduction to “Anatomy Lesson,” an episode about a homicidal street bum-turned-cyborg:

Clearly, if “Perversions of Science” offered anything different than “Tales from the Crypt,” it was a dedicated effort to more onscreen sexuality.

The episodes themselves were — well, a lot like the average “Tales from the Crypt” episode, which is to say they were pretty damn entertaining. Gone were the horror settings and characters in “Tales from the Crypt,” replaced with campy CGI aliens and imagery of space and the future; but at heart the stories were essentially the same twisted morality tales that the Cryptkeeper told.

Why HBO shelved “Perversions of Science” so quickly is anyone’s guess. Surprisingly, there’s very little information about the show online, and even less information about the show’s cancellation. From the looks of it, HBO has no plans yet to release the single season to DVD. All told, it’s too bad the show never got to realize its potential. Given another season, it might have been able to pull itself from the teat of “Tales from the Crypt” and grow into something unique.

-tad

In the spirit of failure a new film is born.

Remember Pathfinder?  If not it was a heartwarming tale of Vikings and Native Americans with only one message: FREEDOM.  Wait, that might have been something else.  Regardless, it flopped.  I had a jovial interest in it before its premier but, bravado aside, never intended to see it.  And, that’s coming from a guy who loves silly stuff from that era of history.  I suppose that might have been the problem; namely that the film was so inappropriate to all things historical.  But, it’s Hollywood, the land of sex and violence.  Sadly enough, those two elements are not enough to guarantee success any longer, a fact to which I expect Outlander will bear witness.

That Outlander will flop is granted.  My question is how much more damage will it do to an already farcically treated genre.  I read a lot of crappy books.  I used to be into fantasy novels.  But, a few really good ones spoiled the genre (the “once you go black you can never go back” phenomenon).  That fact, coupled with growing up, has led me to historical fiction for my zoned out reading.  I get the same out-of-the-real-world escapism without as much strapping-young-lad-slays-evil-wizard-and-learns-to-abuse-hyphens-while-winning-the-fair-maiden’s-hand nonsense.  And, in historical fiction genre I have found a few books which are exceptional and, surprisingly, also deal with Vikings.  The two books I am thinking of are Jeff Janoda’s Saga: A Novel of Medieval Iceland and Jane Smiley’sThe Greenlanders.

Janoda’s book describes in novel form some events originally narrated in Eyrbyggja Saga, one of the great Icelandic literary works.  Janoda manages throughout to color (although it is largely gray) what in saga form is a less than engaging story while adding tacit narratives.  He uses an old story about ambition and pride as a platform to achieve something surprisingly remarkable.  All this is done without describing a single Viking raid.  Indeed, the dominant female character is far from the damsel common to other genre books.

Smiley’s book, although not based on an epic, is epic.  At surface value it is comparable to Sarum in that it deals with generations of a single family and is very, very dense.  But, there is more to the book.  While the subject matter is one family, the setting is one of a society facing imminent doom.  It is the end of the medieval warm period and Greenland is getting cold.  Historically, the last contact Europe had with the Viking colony on Greenland was a wedding at Bratahlid chapel.  This book includes the wedding as well as insight into how a society and its people deal with a creeping end.  It is not a happy book, but it is damn powerful.

These two books are gems among the rough.  There are a ton of meaningless publications set in Viking age Europe and the North Atlantic.  This plethora of crap diminishes the audience of books like the ones I have mentioned because it creates a bias against all Viking related stories.  But, Smiley and Janoda prove that the rich history and isolated uniqueness of Viking culture can be used to enhance thematically significant works.

Sadly, as yet another Viking-oriented movie fails, people’s bias against Viking related film will be enhanced.  Unfortunately there is not much good Viking cinema to counterweight the crap.  Most films quickly reduce to 6-packed warriors swinging non-era longsword beneath horned helmets.  The 2003 Beowulf flick, Beowulf and Grendel, was an exception but also failed to be entertaining.  I am not optimistic that we will see a film make good the potential that the Sagas and the culture have to offer.

-zach

The game show I, and probably many others, have been missing out on.

I believe we all thought the end of the game shows Nickelodeon wanted to air was when NickGAS became The N. It’s a sad, sad day when one wakes up to watch Legends of the Hidden Temple and finds out that it has been replaced with reruns of Moesha. Though I have heard a buzz about bringing the channel back, research has indicated that this is not scheduled to happen any time soon, if at all. There will be no more Bill the Answer Head (something I’m kind of glad of, actually), no Morlock in Wizard Levels, no Pie Pods, and no glowing pieces of the Radical Rock.

Or will there be?

Not only did I not see this coming, but I’ve been in the dark for months about it. It still seems to be shrouded in mystery; I cannot find any footage of it or when it will be aired next. However, I do know the sports arena has lost Mike O’Malley and Mo Quirk. And if anyone paid attention to what Mike O’Malley was saying at any given time during the show, they would know this is probably the biggest loss the show could have.

However, this preview looks incredibly promising. Although I think it could do without the family element, this could be one of the better things Nickelodeon has done in a long time. Hopefully it will not be another Double Dare 2000, and thankfully they did not try and bring back Figure It Out. No one wants to a kid win prizes because no one could guess that they could bite cheese to make it look like states.

-ryan

The merits of paternalism and the war on drugs are examined by analogy in the Trix commercials.

It is a familiar sentiment, that of sympathy for the rabbit. Throughout our youths we watched the poor wretch behave like a crack fiend for his fruity fix only to be thrown from the pearly pedestal of providence by cheeky brats. Indeed, judging by his complete loss of reason and deadly focused obsession with Trix, it seems quite possible that he would be better off in a world without the cereal. Then he could go back to eating mud, like normal rabbits or Poles. The creators of the advertisements lead us to believe that Trix are to the rabbit as PCP is to Rodney King. For example,

1. We only ever see the rabbit trying to get some Trix. This implies that the only thing in the rabbit’s life is the pursuit of Trix. This is analogous to the addict who makes decisions and takes actions always with the motive of his next fix.

2. The rabbit is willing to break laws to get his Trix. Specifically, trespassing, fraud, and theft do not seem wrong to the rabbit, or at least they seem justified by his need. In one particularly clever and difficult endeavor, the rabbit hides on the surface of cardboard packaging to gain entry into a household and the fruity treats therein. Many times we see him present a false identity to children as he tries to trick them out of their Trix. This behavior is quite similar to the curbside junky with his long story about needing bus fare to get home to his 78 children and overweight cancerous wife.

3. Then there is the abject fervor he displays when about to get his Trix as seen in the Got Milk commercial presented at the top of this post. He is desperate to indulge. It is the climax of his day, his life, his very existence. Too bad he forgot the milk.

In this cruel world of addiction there are enablers…

… and there are children who always seem to get in the way of the rabbit’s singular interest. Naively examining events leads us to believe that the kids are not evil (as is the common conception). The rabbit has a problem and the kids force him away from that problem by denying him that which perpetuates his issues. So too does the paternalist enterprise that criminalizes the use of drugs for recreational problems. And, the failings of the two are the same–the rabbit does not get clean, he just tries harder to get his fix and is forced into unsanitary venues (like the Slavic looking woman’s store in the Got Milk commercial). Simply denying the substance is not sufficient to change his way of life, just like outlawing crack will not stop a crackhead from going to some shitty Polish neighborhood to buy.

But, the children are not just agents of prevention. There is a nefarious tint to their cherubic smiles. It is the hue of sadism. The kids are gleeful at the denial of the rabbit’s sole desire. They enjoy watching him sob and squirm. His is a lifestyle that disgusts them. And, although they will happily indulge in top shelf narcotics (hello Rush Limbaugh), the rabbit’s wants are sinful and base.

Oft we see in our own state a motive different from concern for the rabbit’s well being. It might not be sick pleasure from watching a junky sweat with withdrawal, but there is a sense that pleasure obtained through means other than bathing in money is impure and should be prevented. For some reason drug use sickens some people, much like sodomy or Eastern Europeans, and so it is outlawed. Regardless of how far removed from their sight the drug use was or how bad the new statutes make life for the druggies, the suit on the hill is proud that he could force the world to be more like he wants. And, the increased utility for so many is not sufficient reason to change his mind. Why should it be? After all, he thinks with his gut. But, isn’t that what the rabbit is doing?

-zach

Thought you guys might enjoy this.

-zach

I wanted to share this with the class.  Hopefully everyone remembers this as fondly as I do.

Thank you, spotty man.

-ryan

Another example of the degenerate cultural opportunities for kids today.

When I was young I watched Nickelodeon.  And, if I sneaked out of bed in the middle of the night to watch TV, I didn’t have any other channel to which I knew to turn.  Consequently I ended up watching a wide variety of ”classic” programming on Nick at Nite and, I believe, am better for it.

My favorites were Lassie and Flipper.  I was bored by (but still watched) Bewitched and I love Lucy.  And, I loved I Dream of Genie (mostly for the outfit).  Indeed, if not for these late night television sessions, I would get few of the off topic Family Guy references (and would thus miss 90% of that show’s humor).

But, after doing some research, I now realize that there was once even more culture dripping like green slime from the vault of Nickelodeon programming.  Nick at Nite is hailed as the creator of the marathon.  You see, in the Persian Wars a man named Pheidippides (we know him as Budnick) ran from Camp Anawanna all the way to Athens to announce the results of the great water balloon battle at Marathon.  And, to this day, all extremely long, redundant activities are described in this memory as marathons.

So, when Nickelodeon decided to launch hours of homogeneous programming during the relatively low broadcasting hours when most of their viewers were dreaming of sleigh bells and alcohol, they naturally described such events as marathons.  And, some of the first were all night radio broadcasts of John Coltrane and Beethoven.  Wow.

You won't see this on Disney Channel.

But, in a world where kids have options Nick has had to change its graveyard shift programming.  Kids today, if they are watching Nick at Nite at all, are limited to The Cosby Show for any semblance of class.  Beyond that kids watch crap (ie The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, George Lopez, Home Improvement, etc.).  And, in a shocking display of sadism, they will soon be subjected to shows like Friends and The Nanny.

Out children are not responsible enough to choose what they watch on television.  That is why the late eighties and early nineties were such great times to watch youth programming.  Nickelodeon did not have to compete with the flashiness of the Disney Channel (which as of 1995 only appeared in 8 million homes and was not historically included in basic cable) and consequently could offer programming that adults can look back on with fondness and appreciation.  Nickelodeon was able to give to kids, not just entertain them.  The decline of the quality of Nick at Nite programming witnesses this sad dynamic.

Perhaps the worst effect of this trend is that ten years from now Seth MacFarlane will be be restricted to Sponge Bob Square Pants references (so help us God).

-zach

This is going to suck dragonballs.

First there was Underworld: Evolution.  And, aside from masturbatory appeal, everyone was disappointed.  Even people who love Twilight (like ryan) found the former flick trying.  Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 14% (out of 5) vs the whopping 44% of the more recent venture.

I was thus tickled to see that yet another film has decided fail miserably with the same subtitle.  That’s right, I’m talking about the live action adaptation Dragonball.   Oops.  I meant to say Dragonball: Evolution.  Now, the Wikipedia page has the movie titled just Dragonball but I prefer to reference this trailer where the subtitle in question is clearly presented.

This is not the Goku I imagined.

Some key differences I have already identified–and which any true fan will soon notice–is that Dragon and Ball have been concatenated into something altogether new, Piccolo looks like a child molester who fell in a vat of green paint (as all good villains do), and everyone is white or Chinese.  But, I suppose that’s what the Japanese get for losing WWII (too soon?).  My hunch is that this will not be released in Japan.

Bulma will be played by Emmy Rossum and will be sporting a blue shock, a fierce divergence from the all encompassing dew of the animated doppelganger.  Apparently they also dropped the talking animals.  The reason was that they did not want to make the film seem “ridiculous”.

What's up with her left eye? Speaking of left eye, what ever happened to TLC?

When asked why she was participating in such a asinine project, Emmy Rossum stated: “I was disappointed to still have a career after The Day After Tomorrow and thought this would be the perfect opportunity for full self ruin.  I mean,” she added, “The Day After Tomorrow was better review than Twilight!  This time I’m confident I’ve picked a flop.”

The humor in seeing a grown man scream “KAMEAMEA!!” will make illegally downloading the film almost worth it.  But, the self-loathing for wasting ten minutes of a valuable life nullifies any benefit (I assume no one will sit through more than ten minutes of the film).

-zach

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Nickelodeon

Beyond the satirical veneer of Uncylopedia’s entry on Nickelodeon, there is an understanding that Nickelodeon produced some of the best shows ever and that the golden hour has past.  Besides this, it is simply hilarious.

-ryan